A solivagant's content

- Maybe all we need to do is to take a deep breath and see them not as father or mother, wife or husband, lover or enemy, friend or a stranger but as humans. And realize, that at the end of the day, they might be fighting their own battles. Baffling with their own enigmas. With the world outside, or perhaps the world inside. From that inhale to that exhale, let us presume they are as complex human beings as you think you are and as confused as you think your inner self is. With no attributions, nor any expectations, lets allow them to breath in their own zone for a while. Let’s act like civilized beings for once. At least give it a try. Without judging them for why they over reacted, without overthinking about what they might be thinking right now, without presuming about what they want and what they don’t. Why not try to treat them as humans and not as roles we assigned to them. For once, maybe. 

-  Stronger tea. So, a lot has happened in past few months. Got ditched by my boyfriend, wherein he got back with this other girl whom he had left for me two years back. Almost discovered how pathetic I had become for this one emotionally vulnerable person. Whosoever is reading this. Don’t do that. You’ll feel bad about it later on and shall end up writing another blog, like this one, which does no good to people. But if you’re still reading this, more things happened past few months. Have you ever wondered how we are too quick to help people and suggest them numerous ways in which they could cheer themselves up? And how herculean it becomes to act upon the same shit when we are doomed ourselves. Exactly. Same happened. I could not look up for solutions to my miseries. Solutions that lied inside of me. So, I extended my arms for help. For all those who are reading this, talk about your anxiety and irritability as comfortably as you talk about guys sending you ‘hey beauti...

~ कुछ ठहरा नहीं हैं प्यार कुछ गहरा नहीं हैं प्यार सुरमे की सिलाही की तरह कभी इधर, उधर कभी यहाँ, वहाँ लुड़कता डोलता हुआ दराज़ में ही दब के बैठा हैं कहीं पर गहरा नहीं हैं प्यार हल्का हैं, सुरमयी उतर जाता हैं आँखों से कहीं फिर गालों तक फैल जाता हैं सलेटी आंखों से धुलकर रूखा हैं कजरे की तरह कभी इधर, उधर कभी यहाँ, वहाँ सुरमे की सिलाही की तरह

~ There are going to be n number of times When you'll be proud of yourselves And n number of times When you'll feel dismay But remember you human It's all part of the character You were destined before You were born to play. So when life tests your patience Baffles you from within You hold onto yourself And just inhale As this is how things are done with no mercy for beginners With no prior warnings No plans to lay. You look for your learnings Probe into the past Take out your sword Armour your heart again Remember how its all A character? Maybe you're playing a warrior Not a lame! #Attimesatseventhirty

☣️ .... I've been hearing to my heart. Since the day I was born. I've taken up wrong routes. And a plenty of regretful decisions. I've opened up my soul to people. And have felt ignorance. Have dared and decieved. Have recollected the loss. Have learnt to smile. And have screamed a lot I've known the pain. I've felt the euphoria. I've lost myself in time. And found myself redefined I've been proud. I've been ashamed. I've overthrown my precious. I've caged my thoughts a times. I've slept. I've walked. I've seen. I've stopped. I've seized. I've lost. But when I breath at the end of it all I've been hearing to my heart. Since the day I was born.

~साढ़े ग्यारह पौने बारह|⏳ - तो जब जीवन के चालीस साल काट लोगे| उस के बाद, ये सोचने का इंतज़ार कर रहे हो कि काश चालीस साल पहले कुछ अलग सोच लिया होता? या इस चीज़ का अफ़सोस मनाने की तलाश में बैठे हो, कि एक दिन सुबह उठोगे, तो पत्नी सखरी पट्टी पर रोटियाँ थेंच रही होगी और बच्चें जगागकर बोलेंगे "पापा बैल्ट ढूंढ दो बस आने वाली हैं"| और जगत भर की गालियाँ निकालते निकालते तुम ये चिल्लाते पाए जाओगे कि रात को सब जमाकर क्यों नहीं सोते! फिर एक दिन यूहीं, शायद सुबह साढ़े ग्यारह बजे, तुम्हें अचानक से लगे कि क्या जीवन भर केवल गधा मज़दूरी करने और बीवी से रोटियाँ बनवाने के लिए पैदा हुआ था? तो भले मानस, वो दिन ना आए, इसलिए कह रही हूँ| जब तक चहरे पर दमक, आँखो में चमक, सर पर बाल और शरीर में जान हैं| उठो| पैल की तरह पड़े मत रहो| बचपन में भी तो सपने देखते थे ना? कभी डिटेक्टिव, कभी साइंटिस्ट वगरह- वगरह बनने के| कभी कुछ सोचने से पहले सोचना नहीं पड़ता था| तो भई, वो भी तो तुम ही थे| BOB THE BUILDER के साथ "हाँ भई हाँ" गाने वाले| 'शक्ति शक्ति शक्ति माआन' गाते- गाते सोफ...

~ 19.10.16  •••• हमारा मिलना कोई इम्तियाज़ अली की पिक्चर जैसा नहीं था| ना मेरी ज़ुल्फे उड़ी, ना कभी उस ने मुझे झट से पलट कर देखा और दिल ले गया| ना ही उस के चले जाने पर पीछे से 'पल भर ठहर जाओ, दिल ये सम्भल जाए' बजा| मैं हमेशा मोमोज़ सी बेहुदी शकल बनाकर उसे रोकती रही, और वो रींच्छ की तरह खड़ा रहा| पर कई बार दिल बैठ़ा जाता था| सड़क के किनारें 'तो आप अकेले नहीं हो' बोलकर| अचानक से टपक कर 'हमेशा यहीं हूँ, चिंता मत' सुना कर| बहुत अजीब सा लगता हैं कुछ इतना अच्छा सुनना कि सांसे गहरी हो जाए| जैसे इतनी खुशी मिल गई हो कि बस अब मौत ही आ जाए तो बढ़िया| और हम औरतो की एक बेढ़ंगी सी आदत होती हैं| शकल चाहे शाकाल जैसी हो, गाने चलते नहीं की हम गाने की हेरोइन हो जाते हैं| ये जवानों की जाती मूड के हिसाब से गाने नहीं सुनती, गाने के हिसाब से मूड बदलती हैं| जाने कितनी बार इन्हीं की वजह से मैं उस से लड़ी हूँ| वो पूछता रहा क्या हुआ हैं, और मैं वही अपना क्लीषे डाइअलॉग मारती रही- 'कुछ नहीं'| ऐक्टिंग तो, कुछ भी कहों, बहुत करी हैं| और बेमतलब के नाटक तो पूछो ही मत| झगड़े ह...

~24.01.16  I see a Belgium choco shot melting. With two spoons lying aside. A bunch of people gazing my attire. And the attendant trying hard to figure my mind through facial expression. I hold a pen. A diary. A bunch full of memories. Laughter. I see a future kennel. With walls. Wooden textured walls. The one they had in two states. I see both of us in our pajamas. On the pavement. And I suddenly realise how much I love you as we laugh together so hard. There is this cab driver waiting for me outside this place. But I can barely move my feet to move. I can barely imagine myself without you. #theminimicrotales

~28.01.16  a less sweet, strong tea hair tied up vaguely with blurred images of him sleeping aside, she caress that pillow with a similar smile, ran her fingers over neck the hairline, recalled his fine features in that beam of sunlight, wrapped herself, around that quilt fondled her contour in the similar style, with crumps in her stomach and a sponged up heart she inhaled his odour with closed teary eyes, with another surge of goose bumps with another stroke of wind another trickling tear fell another day begins.

~20.02.2016  The two lost souls, they met on a junction Not nine and three-quarters this time, But they did find another world, With intricate quests and bewildered chests, to explore the unknown to listen to the heart's hest, Where the shrubs grew wild as flabby as their smiles, and Eucalyptus stood erect on roads spread beyond miles, Where the stars envied for that glint in their eyes, and the lake ad mist the woods witnessed, an elongated kiss on a glistening night, Where orangish flowers bloomed, fought the wet green leaves to unhide, and those immodest mosses, slumped on the river side, Where their eccentricities found pause, and the mistaken past sounded so right, as if everything was chained, a plot of twisted events that eventually turned up to be life, They were two pieces of imperfect entity, came together to make each other a whole, nothing as the poets describe in the poems though, They were...

क्योंकि अपनी ही साँसे खुदकी गर्दन पर नहीं जाती| ना खुदके गले को चूम पाती हूँ| और आईने में निहारने से ज़्यादा अच्छा तुम्हारी आँखों में लगता हैं| खुद ही की बाज़ुओं में खुद को कस लेने से दिल नहीं बैठता| ना ही वो महक आती हैं| ये तकिये तुम जैसा सिराहना नहीं बन पाते| ना चादरों का ढ़ेर तुम्हारी छाती| दिवारों पर सटने से धड़कने तेज़ नहीं होती| और अपनी ही अंगुलियों से गुदगुदी महसूस नहीं होती| बदन पर फिरते ये हाथ तुम्हारे होंठ नहीं बन पाते| और आँख खुलने पर तुम शांती से सोए नज़र नहीं आते| इसलिए याद आते हो| बस| ♥

~For the future fallacies.♨ Because one day, all you shall have is a cup of coffee and dogs. A pen. A diary. A story desperate to be written. A few lost memories. And some vivid faces adrift. You'll find your mind occupied not with what you've done, but with what could have been done. The sun would shine as usual. The bookshelf would smile as usual. You will still be fidgeting with your extra dark pencil. And your camels ink pot would still lie all sealed. On your right would be a wooden wall. Onto that would be some pictures. Of all the people you've come across. Of all the people you've departed. Of all the people who entrusted you. Of all the people you chased and felt let down. And the picture of one you loved. Afront of you would stretch a garden. With flowers of your favorite color. And also the colors s/he liked. Among all those memories when you take another sip of coffee. Make sure you smile! #theminimicrotales

~Tacenda🌿 Besides me. Lies a man for whom I may not be the most beautiful women in the world, but who appreciates me for whatever I am. Who has seen me naked. Who is gripping me in his arms each time his hand slips down. Who smells of an unknown likable fragrance. Who is putting his legs around mine unconsciously in his sleep. Who knows all my fetishes. Who is smiling as he dreams. The one who says he sees his future with me. The one who says to keep a huge boat in our future balcony, for us to have tea in the evening. Who sleeps in peace. And says he finds peace in me. Who says he is proud to have me. Who can't keep his hands off me. Who breathes with the rhythm of my pulse. So as we inhale together. I feel a part of me that he completes. Who loves my tan uneven skin. And also my bulges. Who endures my stinking pair of shoes. The one who smiles from the rear view mirror as I read each and every advertisement on the road. One who waits for me till I complete my s...

~Intricate 🍂 Everything has an end. Except the things which never get created. And also the things which never come into existence. But we still endeavor to befuddle ourselves. Put all our brains in the creation of a hallucination. Only to witness them demolish one day. And to repent on their lying debris. And wait till the grief vanishes itself, as to revert to build a new facade. And this impermeable hatch of time continues till we end up concluding ourselves. And someone else kneels down to our debris. Blores. And turns back to create another ephemeral entity, supposing it to last eternally. Until he himself becomes a zilch one day. And watch someone else wail on his grave. You see, no one is an exception. And such a pity farce it is to know that neither are we. #Theminimicrotales 

~ a derailed passage! 🍂 •••• For people would never know what it takes to wait for him under the same tree he went forth. And why the once most frequently played song has no traces on my playlist. For all that they see, is what we put on our faces. Smiles and laughter. And some foregone tales and narratives. Because they wouldn't put efforts to recognize the change in your tone as you speak, as to reckon the pain. Because only the heart that suffers, knows how excruciating it is. Because only the eyes who awaits, knows the pain of not being able to see them for long. Only a tormented heart knows how to hold back the wounds afresh. It isn't easy to be waiting for a single person and trample back each time. And it's even breathtaking to be still perseverant about it. To walk with a swelled up heart and never spill the beans to anyone. And you ask what it takes to be lost in someone? Everything you've ever possessed! ❤ #theminimicrotales 

~पूर्णविराम|  •••• तो इतना मन हैं तुम्हारा तो लो सुन ही लो फिर आज| जलन होने लगी हैं मुझे| हर उस लड़की से, हर उस लड़के से| जो तुम्हारे पास हैं| और खास भी| क्योंकि वो जगह जो उनकी हैं, वो मेरी नहीं हैं| होने को तो मुझे चाहिए भी नहीं, पर डर लगता हैं| और समझ नहीं आता कि इतने लोगों और इतनी जगहों में मेरी कौनसी हैं? और ऐसी भी कोई बात नहीं हैं कि तुम सबसे बात करना छोड़ दो| या बंधे रहो मेरे पल्लू से| पर बस बीच- बीच में ऐसा बोल दिया करो कि मैं नहीं होऊंगी तो बाकि सब बेकार लगेगा| या कि बाकि सब मुझसे कम हैं कह दोगे तब भी चलेगा| कोई ऐसा भी नहीं हैं कि भई कोई भयंकर ही जलने लगी हूँ| बस समझ जाओ खुद ही| नाप तोल में मैं वैसे भी कच्ची हूँ| और पहले ऐसा नहीं था| ना कोई डर था ना कोई जलन| पर अब हैं| और इसका मैं चाह कर भी कुछ नहीं कर सकती| ये बदलाव थोड़ा अजीब लगे तुम्हे शायद| पर एक हक सा जमाने का मन करने लगा हैं| और ये मेरी सबसे बड़ी त्रासदी हो चली हैं| कि जब तुम मेरे हो, तो क्यों कोई तुम पर उतना हक जमाए जितना मैंने जमा रखा हैं| और उन्हें और मुझे बराबर समझते हो अगर, तो तुम उन्हीं को मुबारक हो| ना ...

•Dot. ~ You can't write about certain things in life. And one of them is this very misery that you can't write. Like you have a wordless thought. A vague perception of an augmented reality. You have it in your mind. But you can't imprint it with ink. The nib of your pen sticks to that paper. And you feel a pathetic urge to make a word. But you can't move it. You can't move the pen. You keep pressing the nib against that sheet and pressing ceaselessly. Until the pages behind gets sunk with the ink and get hollowed by the nib. And you feel an urge to give up. But you can't. And you're stuck to that dot. That unbearable dot. #minimicrotales #spilledinks #crumpledpapers 

~Thirty minutes! ____ Imagine yourself going to work at 7:00 in the morning. You take an auto. Get into it. And your ride starts. You see many things pass by as your auto gains velocity. Many eucalyptus on the roadside. Beam of sunlight making its way on your clothes through leaves and buildings on the way. There is a little part in heart which derives joy from it. Isn't it? That flickering sunlight which makes you look prettier, even if for a fraction of seconds. As if, a waiter sways its way to bring you your plate from a super busy kitchen. Similarly, the sunlight travels through all the cool morning breezes to make you feel its warmth. Maybe that endeavor is what brings that little part of joy in our heart. And for those 30 minutes of your life, you want that sunlight more than any other joy or material in this world. For the sake of those 30 minutes of sheer content, realize what makes you happy. Because one day when the sunlight will fall sick, no matter how we...