A solivagant's content

~हर सुबह तुम वैसी नहीं रही, जैसी हुआ करती थी वो बेफिक्री नहीं रहीं तुममे जिस पर,  दिल हार बैठा था मैं एक दफा  अब थोड़ा सोचने लगी हों खुदके, मेरे, हमारे बारे में अब चिड जाती हो, जब मैं हर चीज़ मज़ाक में ले लेता हूँ अब फिकर होने लगी हैं तुम्हे, कल की अब तुम उदास रहने लगी हो थोड़ी बदल सी गयी हो, शरीर काठी में तुम अब वैसी नहीं रही हो थक जाती हो, गुस्सा जाती हो थकान में कह देती हो दो चार बातें चुभ भी जाती हैं उनमे से कुछ मुझे फिर अनजान की तरह, तुम अपने काम में, लग जाती हो जैसे कुछ हुआ ही नहीं तुमने कुछ कहा ही नहीं मुझे कुछ चुभा ही नहीं दिल की बातें निकल जाती हैं, कभी कबार मानता हूँ मैं, इसीलिए  चुप रहता हूँ, झगड़ता नहीं और मुस्कुरा के देखता हूँ तुम्हे, जो तुम इस थकान में, इस मकान को, घर बनाने में जुट जाती हो जो तुम दुनिया भर की बातें लिए, फिर से सराहने पास आती हो कहती हो," काम बहुत था दफ़्तर में इसीलिए भड़क गयी' फिर जो तुम सुबह से शाम तक की दास्तान सी गाती हो कोहनियां हिलाती हुई,  अंगुलिया घूमती हुई, जो तुम एक एक किस्सा मुझे चैन से स...

~ As a matter of fact, you miss many things in life. But that does not mean that you rush back to them. At times, suffering is the only best option. That sense of loss and deprivation, that guilt that you could probably have saved it, preserved it but did not, that swelled up heart which does not burst but refuses to contain… I think they are all important things to feel. And if you’re young and you can relate to this, congratulation! You seem to have already seen a lot of things people have not. I have seen people take the easier way and refuse to accept that that’s the wrong one. I have seen people use plethora of defense mechanisms to prove why they did not choose the tougher way to do things. But the fact remains that they all failed to resist that momentary pleasure they achieved from the easier pathways. They were all too scared to accept that they would have to tear themselves apart had they chosen the tougher one. And then they make that call they should not have. An...

~ तू अंगुलियों से, मेरे चेहरे पर, उलझे बिखरे, केस सुलझाना, फिर प्यार से दो लटों को, कान के पीछे धीरे से सरकना, और मैं आंखे बंद कर लू, तो समझ जाना, हल्की सी अपनी सांसे, मेरे करीब लाना, अपने आड़े बांके होठों से, मुस्कुराना, और मैं भी मुस्कुरां दू, तो समझ जाना, कि हाथ कमर से ऊपर, गले से नीचे ला सकता हैं अब, और ललाट पर चूमकर, मना सकता हैं अब, अपनी ओर खींच कर, धीमे से, मुँह पर, बड़बड़ा सकता हैं अब कि मेरी हैं तू! और मेरी रहेगी! मैं वही के वही, दिल ना बैठा लेती अपना, तो फिर कहता कि मैं रुकी नही, उन शब्दों में, उन सांसो में, तेरी अंगुलियों में फंसे, मेरे बालों में! इतना तो कोई ये मुश्किल नहीं था, पर चूक गया तू, आदमी|

- wry writes.  I listen to stories. Some of them are full of romance while others depict the perils of existence. Some say life is tough. Some say its oblivious. I see stories. In eyes of people, who sit alone in parks Some sit in wait. Some sit in vain. I have heard stories, forgotten ad mist, the cacophony of city's ignorance. While some of them are as fresh, as a deeply cut wound in hearts. Some shall always remain mere stories for us. And in all those stories I see a longing irrevocable. Shrieks of loss and regrets. Haughty tales of heritage to descend. Depicting tales of how we evolved, tales of how some of us are no more. And its amazing how we never realize that we mere play a character, in someone else's story of life and we keep on trying to coalesce different fractions of our feeble dreams  and foolishly wonder, why don't things happen the way we imagine. 

- Maybe all we need to do is to take a deep breath and see them not as father or mother, wife or husband, lover or enemy, friend or a stranger but as humans. And realize, that at the end of the day, they might be fighting their own battles. Baffling with their own enigmas. With the world outside, or perhaps the world inside. From that inhale to that exhale, let us presume they are as complex human beings as you think you are and as confused as you think your inner self is. With no attributions, nor any expectations, lets allow them to breath in their own zone for a while. Let’s act like civilized beings for once. At least give it a try. Without judging them for why they over reacted, without overthinking about what they might be thinking right now, without presuming about what they want and what they don’t. Why not try to treat them as humans and not as roles we assigned to them. For once, maybe. 

-  Stronger tea. So, a lot has happened in past few months. Got ditched by my boyfriend, wherein he got back with this other girl whom he had left for me two years back. Almost discovered how pathetic I had become for this one emotionally vulnerable person. Whosoever is reading this. Don’t do that. You’ll feel bad about it later on and shall end up writing another blog, like this one, which does no good to people. But if you’re still reading this, more things happened past few months. Have you ever wondered how we are too quick to help people and suggest them numerous ways in which they could cheer themselves up? And how herculean it becomes to act upon the same shit when we are doomed ourselves. Exactly. Same happened. I could not look up for solutions to my miseries. Solutions that lied inside of me. So, I extended my arms for help. For all those who are reading this, talk about your anxiety and irritability as comfortably as you talk about guys sending you ‘hey beauti...

~ कुछ ठहरा नहीं हैं प्यार कुछ गहरा नहीं हैं प्यार सुरमे की सिलाही की तरह कभी इधर, उधर कभी यहाँ, वहाँ लुड़कता डोलता हुआ दराज़ में ही दब के बैठा हैं कहीं पर गहरा नहीं हैं प्यार हल्का हैं, सुरमयी उतर जाता हैं आँखों से कहीं फिर गालों तक फैल जाता हैं सलेटी आंखों से धुलकर रूखा हैं कजरे की तरह कभी इधर, उधर कभी यहाँ, वहाँ सुरमे की सिलाही की तरह